EMMA STONE: ALL OF YOU IS ONE COLOR. HOW VERY SWINTON OF YOU MISS STONE. THIS IS A VERY GOOD THING BTDUBS.
JOLIE-PITTS: ANGIE IS WEARING COLOR! AND BRADLEY IS WEARING STUPID GLASSES! SMUGLY! DREAMS COME TRUE.
TIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAA!: DUDE YOU FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THIS. HIGH FIVES!
HATHAWAY: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVES BEST OSCAR HOST EVER QUESTION MARK OH WAIT THAT SHOULD NOT BE A QUESTION MARK BECAUSE IT ISN'T A QUESTION IT IS A FACT OBVS.
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS: CHRISTINA DO NOT EVER CHANGE YOU LOOK LIKE A GIANT GAY FLOWER PEOPLE WILL BE ALL 'CHRISTINA MAYBE BE MORE SUBTLE?' BUT FUCK THEM! PUNCH THEM IN THEIR TINY FACES! YOU WIN ALL THE THINGS!
JAYMA MAYS: I WAS ALL 'JAYMA IS SO CUTE SHE'LL WEAR SOMETHING SUPER TWEE AND IT WILL BE KINDA MEH' BUT TURNS OUT GIRL KNOWS HOW TO WORK THE ANGIE-ANGLE. UNEXPECTED EVIL-SEXY WINNER OF NIGHT? GIRL BEAT ANGELINA IN HER OWN CATEGORY! EXPECT ANGIE TO CAST EXCITING SEXY REVENGE SPELLS ON JAYMA LIKE THEY ARE IN A GROWN-UP VERSION OF THE CRAFT? ONLY TIME WILL TELL MOTHERFUCKERS!
KYRA SEDGEWICK (I DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS EITHER): THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY RANDOM KEVIN-BACON-STANDING-NEXT-TO WOMAN. YOU DO NOT GET TO WEAR THIS COLOR LET ALONE THIS COLOR + THIS CUT TO AN AWARDS SHOW THAT MICHELLE WILLIAMS IS AT. IT IS LIKE THE DESIGNER OF THIS DRESS WAS LIKE 'I AM OUT OF IDEAS FOR DRESSES OH I KNOW I WILL STEAL LIKE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF THE GREATEST OSCAR-DRESS OF ALL TIME AND THEN EXECUTE IT SUPER POORLY SO SOMEONE NOBODY CARES ABOUT CAN WEAR IT TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES WHERE IT'S NOT LIKE MICHELLE WILLIAMS IS FUCKING NOMINATED OR ANYTHING RIGHT?' KYRA SEDGEWICK I AM GOING TO HAVE A GOOD LONG TALK TO ANGELINA TO SEE IF I CAN CONVINCE HER TO USE HER WITCHY POWERS FOR GOOD INSTEAD OF REVENGE IE. FUCKING YOUR LIFE UP FOR DISRESPECTING THE BEST DRESS EVER WORN INSTEAD OF GOING ALL FAIRUZA BALK ON THAT CUTE GINGE FROM GLEE. WATCH YA FUCKIN' BACK SON.
HELENA: YOU ARE SO CUTE THAT I MIGHT DIE. THAT IS ALL.
JANUARY JONES: WORD ON THE STREET IS YOU DON'T EMPLOY A STYLIST WHICH MEANS YOUR MAD FASHION-SKILLS ARE YOURS ALONE. SO UM PROPS FOR THAT. YOU REMIND ME OF KE$HA HERE FACE-WISE FOR SOME REASON BUT I SECRETLY LOVE KE$HA SO WHATEVER RIGHT? LOOK THIS DRESS IS NICE, BUT MY QUESTION IS IS THAT FRINGING MAYBE AT THE BOTTOM? BECAUSE IT MIGHT JUST BE AN ILLUSION BUT IF IT IS FRINGING THEN YOU WIN ALL THE THINGS AND MAYBE DO YOU WANT TO BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND? I CAN'T FIND ANY OTHER ANGLES RIGHT NOW SO WE SHALL SEE.
XTINA: I TRY REALLY REALLY HARD TO LIKE YOU BUT YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME WHEN YOU KEEP DOING THINGS LIKE THIS. SO I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR YOU: JUST PRETEND IT IS 2002 AND DRESS ACCORDINGLY. DIRRTY XTINA DOES NOT GET OLD. IT IS TIME FOR THE WORLD TO ONCE AGAIN REVEL IN YOU CHILLIN' ON RED CARPETS WEARING LEATHER CHAPS AND COVERED IN PIERCINGS/BODY SPRAY CREATING THE ILLUSION OF SWEAT. DIP YOUR DREADS IN INK ONCE MORE XTINA! IT IS THE ONLY WAY!
SWINTON: LOOK HERE'S THE THING EVERYBODY ELSE MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO HOME NOW BECAUSE SWINTON IS HERE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU GIRLS BOTHER AT THIS POINT. GIVE IT UP. SHE WINS. YOU LOSE! OHHHH SHIIIIIIIT! (SUFFICE TO SAY SWINTON IS, INDEED, A BAD BITCH). PS. IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT SWINTON IS MAYBE WINKING IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH; I THINK I JUST FOUND PROOF THAT WE LIVE IN THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE UNIVERSES.
PPS. I DON'T KNOW WHY BLOGGER IS SETTING THIS POST OUT LIKE THIS WITH THE TEXT/PICTURES IN RANDOM PLACES, BUT LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT CELEBRITIES LOOK LIKE SO JUST ATTACH THE CHUNKS OF TEXT TO THEIR ASSOCIATED PICTURE WITH THE POWER OF YOUR MIND I GUESS.
